Bloggito, ergo sum

I'll admit it - I enjoy Google Analytics.  I enjoy tinkering with the statistics page, copying and pasting the tracking code into various websites (usually my own, although I've tried to spy on other people with no success) and using the Traffic Sources feature to figure out exactly who reads my blog.  (For example, Analytics helpfully tells me that everyone who reads this blog is in the US or India.  A few moments alone with the US Census website and a calculator reveal that there are 6.8 billion people on Earth, and the combined population of India and the US is about 1.5 billion. In just a few keystrokes, I've eliminated 78% of the entire world population!  I should know who my exact readers are any day now)

But more importantly, I think some readers are being misled.  I'm not sure they understand exactly what this blog is all about.  (Do I understand what this blog is all about?  Haha, very funny.)  For example, several people have arrived at this blog after searching the Internet for the phrase "going commando at work."  This is a subject that plays a very peripheral role in my life.  In fact, it features only once, in a post about my moldy apartment.  I note that no one has been searching for the phrase "what to do with moldy underwear."  That's unfortunate, because this blog is actually far more relevant to that problem.  In fact, if you live in a small South Delhi apartment and woke up this morning with mold in your pants, this might be the only blog on the Internet that has a post dedicated specifically to that problem!  It will not help you, but at least it will make you feel less alone.  (Like I do.  Right now.  Typing this.)

Others seem to be interested in "Delhi, first day of college."  Readers, if you practice what my English teacher once jokingly referred to as "close reading", you will come to the conclusion that I spend most of my time eating expired snacks and deciding whether to watch TV shows or adult material online (although thanks to HBO, that second choice is now moot) In other words, I do nothing so productive as go to college.  Just remembering my college days leaves me wrung out and exhausted.  I'll have to go watch the entire first season of True Blood and eat a bowl of Reagan-era popcorn just to recover.

Someone else was searching for "best bars for girls in Delhi."  Sir/Madam, I don't know what you were hoping for, but you will not find it here.  I cannot tell you where to throw your best friend's bachelorette party, nor where to go to crash someone else's best friend's bachelorette party.  In fact, since coming to Delhi, I have seen only one bachelorette party, and in retrospect that might have been an adult baptism.  (All rituals look the same to me.)

So.  Ergo, in toto and ipso facto, if you are looking for bar recommendations, college advice or work wardrobe suggestions (don't work naked!) you will probably be disappointed.  If you want to read about India but find Hunter Thompson confusing and Paul Theroux racist, you may still be in the wrong place.  If you are merely looking to fill a gap in your government workday, Victorian-style maternity confinement, or prison activity period, you are definitely in the right place.

Thanks for reading, Yanks.  *And Indians.  And remember: one day, with a bit of statistics, a lot of perspicacity, and the ability to tap Google's hacker-proof servers, I will know who you are.