in India. The other day, he and I got together over a few drinks and
discussed the types of foreigners you meet in India.
1. The Foreigner Who is Always High. He's doesn't bathe, possibly
because it's bourgeois and possibly because his "hotel room" doesn't
have a shower. He lives in a rathole in Paharganj with five other
foreigners, all of them on the lookout for their next big hit. They
are here because the drugs are plentiful and cheap. They'll argue
over a 50 Rupee auto ride, only to turn around and drop 500 Rupees on
hash.
2. The New Age Businessman. You see him standing on the marble steps
of India's Taj Palace Hotel, where he's sweating buckets into his
designer suit. He's in India for the first time because his company,
a major multinational, wants to tap into the world's biggest youth
market. "My, my, how nice," he says, of the cultural programs his
company has arranged for him, as his eyes dart confusedly from left to
right. Does he understand India? Not at all. But is there money
here? Yes. And he respects that.
3. The "I'm Not A Racist, But..." Foreigner. As my friend says,
"They bitch about India like anything." They work for nonprofit
organizations, bringing light and vision to the needy. They consider
themselves to be one step below Jesus and several steps above the
unwashed Indian masses whom they cater to. They can name at least two
Indian political parties. They claim to know the real India because
their tour bus stopped at a village once, but their descriptions of
this "real India" sound suspiciously like an Amitabh Bachchan gangster
movie from several decades ago. Don't be confused by their blithe
appearance. They carry the White Man's Burden, and it is heavy. Some
say Indian Independence was a day in 1947, I say it is the day the
last of these clowns leaves the subcontinent for good.
4. The Older Couple. They've just retired and it's their lifelong
dream to visit India. He wears a fanny pack, she wears a long skirt.
They smile and nod and scrupulously avoid seeming culturally
insensitive. When they want to go "off the beaten path" they stop at
a cottage industries emporium on the way to the Taj Mahal. They are
unfailingly polite, often sunburned, and entirely pleasant. They get
ripped off all the time, but unlike Foreigners 1 and 3, they try not
to let it bother them too much.
5. The "Not a Foreigner" Foreigner. They look like Indians until
they start talking, and a strange foreign accent falls out of their
mouths. They are NRIs and the children of NRI's who abandoned India
years ago when the country's economic outlook was bleak. These days,
India is lousy with these returnees. "Real" Indians have a mixed
attitude towards these guys - are they real? Fake? Just in it for
cash and glory? Nobody knows, not even the NRIs themselves.
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